|
Never
play cards with a man called Doc.
Never
eat at a place called Mom’s.
Never
sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.
-Nelson Algren |
|
All
this buttoning and unbuttoning.
-18th Century suicide note |
|
The
conversation of women is like the straw around china.
Without
it everything would be broken.
-Anonymous |
|
Bigamy
is having one husband too many.
Monogamy
is the same.
-Anonymous |
|
A
committee is a group of the unwilling,
Chosen
from the unfit,
To
do the unnecessary.
-Anonymous |
|
A
wise man knows everything: A shrewd one everybody.
-Anonymous |
|
Nil
carborundum illegitimi.
-Anonymous |
|
To
err is human,
But
to really foul things up requires a computer.
-Anonymous |
|
The
hand of the giver is never empty.
-Anonymous |
|
Love
is, above all, the gift of oneself.
-Jean Anouilh |
|
They
couldn’t hit an elephant from this dist…
-Army officer |
|
Mankind
is divisible into two great classes: hosts and guests.
-Max Beerbohm |
|
It
is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
-William Blake |
|
He
that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man.
-Book of Proverbs |
|
Guidelines
for bureaucrats:
(1)
When in charge, ponder.
(2)
When in trouble, delegate.
(3)
When in doubt, mumble.
-James H
Boren
|
|
All
students are gifted;
Some
just open their packages earlier than others.
-Michael Carr |
|
Few
people do business well who do nothing else.
-Lord Chesterfield |
|
Happiness
is a mystery like Religion and should never be rationalised.
-G K Chesterton |
|
This
is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
-Winston Churchill |
|
Jaw,
jaw is better than war, war.
-Winston Churchill |
|
A
friend is, as it were, a second self.
-Cicero |
|
No-one
can give you better advice than yourself.
-Cicero |
|
When
you have nothing to say,
Say
nothing.
-Charles Caleb Colton |
|
Love
is a fire.
But
whether it is going to warm your heart or burn your house,
you
never can tell.
-Joan Crawford |
|
It
is better to wear out than to rust out.
-Richard Cumberland |
|
When
there is room in the heart, there is room in the house.
-Danish saying |
|
A
Conservative government is an organised hypocrisy.
-Benjamin Disreali |
|
Youth
is a blunder;
Manhood
a struggle;
Old
age a regret.
-Benjamin Disreali |
|
There
are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
-Benjamin Disreali |
|
Every
woman should marry and no man.
-Benjamin Disreali |
|
What
we anticipate seldom occurs;
What
we least expect generally happens.
-Benjamin Disreali |
|
Genius
is one percent inspiration,
Ninety-nine
percent perspiration.
-Thomas Alva Edison |
|
I
never think of the future.
It
comes soon enough.
-Albert Einstein |
|
One
must be poor to know the luxury of giving.
-George Eliot |
|
In
every parting there is an image of death.
-George Eliot |
|
“The
Twelve Months”
Snowy,
Flowy, Blowy,
Showery,
Flowery, Bowery,
Hoppy,
Croppy, Droppy,
Breezy,
Sneezy, Freezy.
-George Ellis |
|
Absence
and salt water wash away love.
-English Saying |
|
There
is nothing so rare as gratitude in males, especially in husbands.
-Henry Fielding |
|
A
man in love is incomplete until he has married.
Then
he’s finished.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor |
|
There
is no bad beer: Some kinds are better than others.
-German Saying |
|
I
was never less alone than while by myself.
-Edward Gibbon |
|
Some
men are born mediocre,
Some
men achieve mediocrity,
And
some have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-Joseph Heller |
|
Life
is just one damned thing after another.
-Elbert Hubbard |
|
Jenny
kissed me when we met,
Jumping
from the chair she sat in;
Time
you thief, who love to get
Sweets
into your list, put that in:
Say
I’m weary, say I’m sad,
Say
that health and wealth have missed me,
Say
I’m growing old, but add,
Jenny
kissed me.
-Leigh Hunt |
|
The
eye should be blind in the house of another.
-Irish Saying |
|
If
things are not as you like, like them as they are.
-Jewish Saying |
|
The
man who marries for money earns it.
-Jewish Saying |
|
Cheer
up! The worst is yet to come!
-Philander Chase Johnson |
|
Freedom
has many difficulties and democracy is not perfect, but we never had to
put up a wall to keep our people in.
-President John F. Kennedy, 26th
June 1963 |
|
If
it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
-Bert Lance |
|
Literature
is mostly about having sex and not much about having children.
Life
is the other way round.
-David Lodge |
|
The
car has become an article of dress without which we feel uncertain, unclad
and incomplete in the urban compound.
-Marshall McLuhan |
|
Inspiration
is inspiration - go for yours.
-Madonna |
|
From
the moment I picked it up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter.
Some
day I intend reading it.
-Groucho Marx |
|
Conversation
is one of the greatest pleasures of life.
But
it wants leisure.
-Somerset Maugham |
|
Fat
men are the Salt and savour of the Earth.
-Herman Melville |
|
Wives
are plentiful, friends are rare.
-George Meredith |
|
Oh,
a wondrous bird is the pelican!
His
beak holds more than his belican.
He
takes in his beak
Food
enough for a week.
But
I’ll be darned if I know how the helican.
-Dixon Lanier Merritt |
|
On
the Continent people have good food;
In
England people have good table manners.
-George Mikes |
|
Continental
people have sex life;
The
English have hot water bottles.
-George Mikes |
|
An
Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.
-George Mikes |
|
An
aristocracy in a republic is like a chicken whose head has been cut off:
It
may run about in a lively way, but in fact it is dead.
-Nancy Mitford |
|
Wooing,
so tiring.
-Nancy Mitford |
|
If
you are sure you understand everything that is going on,
You
are hopelessly confused.
-Walter Mondale |
|
If
you have to be dumb to be beautiful, I’d rather be ugly and smart!
-Karen Mulder (Top Model) |
|
By
the time you say you’re his,
Shivering
and sighing
And
he vows his passion is
Infinite,
undying -
Lady,
make a note of this:
One
of you is lying.
-Dorothy Parker |
|
You
can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
-Dorothy Parker |
|
Love
is like quicksilver in the hand.
Leave
the fingers open and it stays.
Clutch
it and it darts away.
-Dorothy Parker |
|
Expenditure
rises to meet income.
-C Northcote Parkinson |
|
Work
expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.
-C Northcote Parkinson |
|
Time
spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion to the sum
involved.
-C Northcote Parkinson |
|
The
man who is denied the opportunity of taking decisions of importance begins
to regard as important the decisions he is allowed to take.
-C Northcote Parkinson |
|
Welcome
the coming, speed the parting guest.
-Alexander Pope |
|
Visits
always give pleasure, if not the coming, then the going.
-Portuguese Saying |
|
No
pleasure ever lasts long enough.
-Propertius |
|
Advice
to persons about to marry. Don’t.
-Punch |
|
If
we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
-Dan Quayle |
|
We
expect them to work toward the elimination of human rights.
-Dan Quayle |
|
My
fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I’ve just signed legislation
which outlaws Russia. The bombing begins in five minutes.
-Ronald Reagan |
|
Generosity
is the happy medium between parsimony and profusion.
-Samuel Richardson |
|
We
are more often liked for our defects than our qualities.
-Le Rochefoucald |
|
Total
abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
-St. Augustine |
|
The
cook was a good cook, as cooks go;
And
as good cooks go, she went.
-Saki |
|
A
gift that is begrudged is already recalled.
-Scott |
|
Welcome
is the best dish in the kitchen.
-Scottish Proverb |
|
Never
trust much to a new friend or an old enemy.
-Scottish Saying |
|
The
Cavaliers (Wrong but Wromantic) and the Roundheads (Right but Repulsive).
-W C Sellar and R J Yeatman |
|
The
National Debt is a very Good Thing and is would be dangerous to pay it
off, for fear of “Political Economy”.
-W C Sellar and R J Yeatman |
|
There
is no love sincerer than the love of food.
-George Bernard Shaw |
|
What
Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep
a motor car.
-George Bernard Shaw |
|
Alcohol
is a very necessary article.. It makes life bearable to millions
of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober.
-George Bernard Shaw |
|
England
and America are two countries divided by a common language.
-George Bernard Shaw |
|
Education
is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
-B F Skinner |
|
The
shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at once.
-Samuel Smiles |
|
But
I’m not quite so think as you drunk I am.
-Sir J C Squire |
|
There
is no duty so much underrated as the duty of being happy.
-R L Stevenson |
|
Life
would be very pleasant if it were not for its enjoyments.
-R S Surtees |
|
Bachelors’
Fare: bread and cheese and kisses
-Jonathan Swift |
|
The
best is the enemy of the good.
-Voltaire |
|
The
more I wonder…the more I love.
-Alice Walker |
|
For
the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.
-William Ross Wallace |
|
Whatever
women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.
-Charlotte Whitton |
|
The
truth is rarely pure, and never simple.
-Oscar Wilde |
|
All
women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.
No
man does. That’s his.
-Oscar Wilde |
|
The
English country gentlemen galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full
pursuit of the uneatable.
-Oscar Wilde |
|
Only
dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
-Oscar Wilde |
|
Anything
becomes a pleasure if one does it too often.
-Oscar Wilde |
|
Hindsight
is always twenty-twenty.
-Billy Wilder |
|
All
the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral or fattening.
-Alexander Woollcott |
|
He
first deceased; she for a little tried
To
live without him; liked it not, and died.
-Sir Henry Wotton |
|
Most
rock journalism is people who can’t write interviewing people who can’t
talk for people who can’t read.
-Frank Zappa |